Bad Advice 2

SO JUST LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF MY NAME IS CAGNEY..........let's just read today's questions...

Dear Barry Allen,

Why do I play World of Warcraft so much? Do you think my other games feel neglected? I just bought Fight Night Round 3 but barely play it. My raids are just too time consuming for other games most of the time. Also, why don't my friends understand the addiction I have to it? Have you ever felt the rush of adrenaline that comes from slaying a dragon so big it barely fits on your one of two monitors? Her name is Onyxia and and it takes 40 of us to take her down. Our guild at times is like a well oiled machine. I love it. If you refer to the Newsweek with Myspace on the cover there is a little test in it that might help you better assess me. My friend read it while he watched Lost here last week and I was sitting in a raid with my headphones on. He said it was all about me. Thank you and I want to be in your arms again, real soon. If it doesn't interfere with Onyxia, Molten Core, AQ20, or Zul'Gurub. Waiting your reply at the mailbox outside the bank in Orgrimmar,

-Tarnivorous, Level 60 Druid


PS Maybe one day I'll show you my snake staff.


I've seen the staff...not impressed. Allow me to answer your question in our native tongue, the delicate and intricate language of Nerd:

Your plight reminds me of when Luke Skywalker was upset that he couldn't go Taschi Station to pick up power convertors. But remember, even though he couldn't waste time with his friends, he was still able to bullseye womp-rats with his T-16 back home and they're not much bigger than two meters.

(Three perfectly meshed Star Wars quotes in two sentences. That's gotta be a record.)

See? You know exactly what I'm talking about. Spending too much time playing video games, any video game, is a non-issue. Did I spend too much time guiding Leon Kennedy through Spain to rescue Ashley Graham from the clutches of the Los Illuminados before they used Las Plagas to take over the world? No. Did I spend too much time perfecting my golf game in order to become the greatest all-time golfer, living or dead, and be paid millions upon millions of dollars? I think not. Did I spend too much time living as an expert bounty hunter in the Old West, becoming a crack shot and a quick draw, all in the hopes of one day gunning down the man that killed my father for his share of a gold mine? PA-SHAW! Did I spend too much time as an over-weight Italian Plumber who found himself stuck in a Mushroom Kingdom, fighting Goombas and Koopas to save Princess Daisy from the clutches of the evil Dragon King Bowser? No sir-ee bobski. And did I, Cagney Brennan, spend too much time living as a cocky blue hedgehog that used super-speed to thwart robotic enemies created by the maniacal Dr. Robotnic? No Tarnivorous, no I did not.

Video Games are the Master/Apprentice relationships of today. Where else are you going to learn how to cast greater spells in order to raise you HPs? Where else can you learn how to kill a zombie in the most efficient, yet coolest, way possible? I put the question to you Tarnivorous...where can I learn to Dance Dance in the name of Revolution? The answer...nowhere but video games. Wanna be a superhero? Done. Sports Icon? Easy. Porn Star? Sure, if you can afford the shipping and handling fees from Russia. The point is, they help us be exactly what we want without ever having to go outside and deal with "reality"...and girls.

So to answer your question directly, you don't play WoW enough. You only play the amount you allow yourself to play. As Frou Frou tells us, LET GO. Let WoW truly envelop you and keep and eye out for me, Cagney Brennan, Monster-Killer, Lady-Saver, and all around Smooth Customer.

Hope that helped.

P.S.- Barry Allen is dead. I'm Wally West bitch.

My dearest Cagney,

How come I cant seem to keep my room clean. I work all day and by the time I get back from the gym, I quick eat dinner and usually watch friends for about 2 hours...and other TBS shows.... I usually try to pick up after myself, but it just seems that no matter how hard I try, I am just a big fuckin mess. Everything... from my dresser to my desk to my closet, I dont even think I have atrash can in my room. I mean, I'm always cleaning.. nothing seems to be organized, maybe I have too much crap, I dunno but you've seen it, always a pile of clean clothes everywhere... Any advice is appreciated... sorry no relationship advice asking, I dont have much to ask you about in that dept.

-Miss Messy

First of all, let me commend you for taking the advice I gave Perplexed Paramour and using it wisely. There is not one real spelling error in this whole letter. I mean, there are 7 grossly obvious grammatical errors, but the spelling was top notch. That's my girl. Now, to the subject of cleaning your room. They say that most geniuses were slobs. Einstein used to leave used tissues all over. Edison would leave half-eaten food rot until someone cleaned it for him. Steven Hawkins throws empty whiskey bottles at the closest wall he can find. My point is, don't get too down on yourself for being messy. I am too, I have way too much crap and way too much clothing to constantly be organized with. But you can try to do what I do. Every Saturday, clean your room. No matter what, get up Early and start organizing. If it's a shithole by Sunday night, so be it. But the next Saturday, you'll clean again. It's fufilling for me, perhaps it will fill the giant, gaping chasm in your soul as well. Also, you mentioned coordinating rooms.

Hope that helped.

P.S.- 10 extra points if you can find all of the grammar errors!

Moving on...

Dear Abby-Cagney,

I have this yellow greenish discharge when i go to the bathroom that burns. Should i cut off my penis or continue to sleep with crack whore prostitutes and let the situation work it self out?

-Worried About My Weiner

If I know your type, and I think I do, you may as well just cut off your penis. It was useless to begin with and now that it's infected with God-knows-what, it's even more pointless to have. You see, if you continue to use your tainted dingy on crack whore prostitutes, you run the risk of infecting them and through them, infecting all of us who enjoy the services of good ol' fashioned American crack whores. Do not wait for the situation to work itself out, be proactive, that's good advice any time. Also, if you cut off your penis, you can't procreate... and that is really all the rest of us can hope for.

Hope that helped.